The Skinny on Chocolate

Oh chocolate; my love affair with the confection has been both a haunting and beautiful experience during my stay on this dusty little rock. Everyone, in varying degrees, loves chocolate. Period. No if, and, or butts about it. People might say that they don’t really care for it, but nothing is more gratifying than the sensation of culinary taboo that chocolate provides.

But, what’s the truth about chocolate? Growing up, everyone relishes the misbehavior associated with eating it after being told by an adult that eating it too much would cause their teeth to rot, get preposterous amounts of acne, or even yet, wait for it, get fat! At the same time, however, when we grew out of our innocent youth the internet arrived and with it an onslaught of information accessibility.

It’s kind of like what I term the “Wiki-WebMD-induced era of self education”. There are articles left and right lauding the health benefits of eating chocolate. It goes as far as to say “One study that compared the total antioxidant activity in single servings of cocoa, green tea, black tea and red wine scored cocoa markedly higher than the rest.” I don’t know about you, but that is more than enough to convince me that I should go out, right now, and buy a pound of 75% Cacao Dark Chocolate. ( 100% bars exist—and I strongly advise against eating it raw…ahem.)

All is not happy-go-lucky in Candyland, though. There are a number of reports floating around the internet that point to the darker side of the dark bar. Some studies have shown that women who ate chocolate every day had less dense bones than those who ate it less than once a week. But, fret not fellow chocolate lover, some of the implications associated with the cross-sectional study that the researchers found seem to corroborate the importance of other factors such as “age, BMI and lifestyle… [that] could potentially affect this relationship.” The source article is actually thorough in taking the argument apart and causing chocolate lovers to both rejoice and simultaneously take a second look at themselves.

There exists an inherent and unfair distribution of good vibes in the chocolate world, though, that deprive the lighter shades of the treat of any faux-democratic notion of “equality.” Are you a fan of white chocolate? Then you and Paula Deen have more in common than you might like to admit. White Chocolate is probably the worst for you simply because of what goes into making it. US Standards dictate that for chocolate to be considered “white” it must, “be at least 20% cocoa butter, 14% total milk solids, and 3.5% milk fat, and no more than 55% sugar or other sweeteners.” [source].



The darker the shade, the easier it is to make the inverse claim. So if you’re going to pick up your favorite variety of Hershey’s maybe drop the Cookies 'n’ Creme brand and grab the Special Dark, instead. I promise it's delicious.


The verdict is ambiguous, however. It's important to note that the magical flavonoids that darker shades of chocolate boast about are probably better for you coming from fruits and vegetables. But, at least this way, you can feel a little bit better about giving into temptation when you're waiting in line at your local supermarket.